Its amazing how time flies yet goes so slow some days.
For reflection I read back through the birth story I wrote just a few days out of the hospital. I remember sitting in my bed with the laptop trying to focus on the screen to type out what all was going on. I knew that if I didnt write down everything surrounding Ians birth then I would forget it. I was on such strong drugs for those few days that it took almost a week to get back to myself. It was if being stuck in that coming down stage but for days. I couldnt focus at all. I just remember sitting on the toilet crying because one minute I was pregnant and the next I wasnt but I had no baby to show for it. I refused to take pain medicine after a few days for the c-section and I only took a couple of days worth of blood pressure decreasing meds so that Ian could get the pumped breastmilk instead of the formula. Even then I had to throw everything away up until May 5th, I remember sending Jason to the hospital to throw the milk away because I couldnt watch it being done.
After Ian came home I was a mess. We had severe attachment issues and I had postpartum depression. It was an all around not so fun time. We got through it though but it makes me weary to have anymore kids. Some days we want more some days we dont think we could ever do it again. Its terrifying having a 2 pound baby and some times I find myself extremely upset thinking about those that have full term babies that just want to rush the process along.
Here is the birth story (its long)
On Thursday April 15th I went in for my regular ob-gyn appointment thinking it was just another day. That previous weekend (Easter) we had went out of town to visit family and during that time I had gotten swollen. Thinking that it was because I was so active during the weekend I shrugged it off, after all swelling is a part of being pregnant I thought. By Tuesday the swelling had gone down but I was now having a hard time breathing because I had gotten a cold. I was also having blurred vision but I didnt think that it was bad enough to make a fuss about. Well on Thursday at my appointment I learned that I had gained 10 pounds in the last month and that I had protein in my urine. The nurse took my blood pressure, looked at me as if she was a deer in headlights and said its high and walked out of the room. Its high is something that I had heard so many times (I always got white coat syndrome) that I just blew it off as if nothing was wrong. The doctor came in and told me that I needed to go down to the lab to have blood drawn and that I would have to do a 24 hour urine collection, he also put me on bed rest. So off to the lab my husband and I went. While sitting and waiting for my name to be called my doctors nurse came in and said that he had changed his mind and that he wanted me to be admitted into the hospital. So then off to the hospital we went. I was still thinking that everything was okay and that I would only be in there for 48 hours I had no reason to freak out. I had my blood pressure taken again and it was still very high (174/109) I was then taken to get an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech said that the baby looked small for his age and that my amniotic fluid was low. Now I was starting to get a little worried, at all my previous ultrasounds the baby had been over in weight (not by much). I was then taken back to my room and had doctors and nurses surrounding me and honestly the only thing I heard was the word catheter and that freaked me out. I knew something was wrong if I couldnt even go pee for myself. I was then told that I had severe preeclampsia judging by the amount of protein in my urine and my high blood pressure. This was a term that I had noticed many times in my pregnancy books but never paid much attention to it, after all it is only a 5-10hance of getting it. I was told that they were going to monitor me for 24 hours but during that time I was to be on bed rest. Now was the time I started to freak out, at that point I had an IV full of magnesium, (to prevent me from having a seizure) catheter, monitors on my belly for movement and heart rate of baby, blood pressure monitor, heart rate monitor for myself and nasal tubes for oxygen. I then had my blood pressure taken every 5 minutes automatically and I received steroid shots for the baby. At this point I still didnt know what was going on and was very scared, not even being 29 weeks yet I was still not prepared. During that first 24 hours my blood pressure declined a bit but I still had really high levels of protein and the ph in my urine was very high. Friday night my doctor came in and said the only way I was to get better is to have the baby. He said they would hold off for as long as they could (Sunday was the max) but he needed to be delivered before my kidneys started to shut down, the only way to get rid of preeclampsia was to have the baby. That night my nurse came in and explained the c-section processes (she had 2 herself) to my husband and I. By this time I was nice and calm, we had gotten to talk to the NICU doctor and things were being explained in simple terms. I knew the baby would be born early and that he would be tiny but the whole time in my heart I knew everything would be okay, there is always a good side to everything even if its not the path you planned on taking.
Saturday morning I was awakened by the doctor telling us that they were doing a c-section that morning (10 am). This was the first time I had gotten out of bed in 2 days, getting into the wheelchair was an odd moment. My legs were so weak I couldnt even stand on my own. Waiting for my spinal was a very scary moment; I was sitting up on a table leaning forward on a nurse. All I can remember is wanting to throw up. The spinal itself did not hurt but the experience was one I will never forget. I was then strapped down on the table and my husband was brought in. During the surgery you cant feel pain really, its odd.you can feel things being moved around but that is it. Getting the baby out was the fast part (I didnt even know he was out) but the stitching you back up part takes awhile, this was by far the worst part. By that time my husband was off with the baby and I was left alone. I started to get worried again, I was having a hard time breathing and I was freezing and no one would talk to me to tell me it was normal. After being stitched back up I was taken to the recovery room where I had a lot of blankets put on me along with a heater. Ian was born at 10:57 am on Saturday April 17th weighing 2.. 3.1oz and 14 inches long. By this time I was telling myself over and over that this would be our last child, I in no way wanted to go through this ever again and I was so glad it was over. Well hours after the baby was born I had given in to the feeling of being a mom although at that point I had still not seen him. By then I was overjoyed and realized that he would not be our last child and the pain and scary parts where well worth it. Next time I will be much more prepared. I ended up seeing my baby for the first time on Monday, he is so small (a bit bigger than a regular beanie baby) but he is still my beautiful baby. I was released from the hospital on Tuesday but still on bed rest with heavy medication for my blood pressure, but oh so glad to be home.
Ian was on a ventilator for the first 36 hours of his life. He developed Jaundice shortly after that but he only had that for 48 hours. He also has Apnea and is on a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) to keep the airway passages to his lungs clear. They started weaning him off the CPAP Friday night, his stats were above 96nd we are praying that they stay that way. He did loose a half a pound within his first week of life but is slowly packing the grams back on. He is already taking formula so he does have a feeding tube. Right now he is up to 7cc a feeding and is increased by 1cc a feeding as long as he tolerates it (he gets fed twice a day). He is doing very well and so are Jason and I. It is a bit saddening not being able to hold my baby and watching his monitors go off and on but we know he is safe and being taken care of very well. Being a mom to a micro preemie is something that never really crossed my mind before he was born but I just know this is how it was meant to be. Getting preeclampsia is something that couldnt have been avoided; they still dont know the cause of it. I am very thankful to have gotten it in my third trimester; because of this Ian had some time to grow. Every day is a step closer to him coming home and we keep praying that he will continue to grow well. Its already been a week and time is flying by, now all I have to do is get his nursery ready for him to come home. He is a very special baby, according to the March of Dimes statistics for the years of 1999-2001 only 1.6
And the Nicu story
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