Its strange how being a “single” mom has been such a relief. I seem to not sweat the little things any longer, the kids are fed, bathed and shuffled off to bed with no anxiety following along. The hick ups along the way are just that and no longer bother me like they used to. Getting up numerous times during the night is just something that happens. I dont usually count when I get up and even if I do its forgotten about by the end of the day.
I have a full plate and I love it. I am happy to have taken the high road in all this and to be coming out a better person. I am happy that Jason and I still have a great friendship and co parent awesomely together. I am grateful that our kids will be able to see their parents interact like adults and not fear talking about one of us to the other. I am grateful that we can show them that sometimes things dont work out but that we can still be friends.
The 13th was the day last year, the day I woke up to my Dear Juli letter. The odd dreams that I had been having throughout my pregnancy came true. Every detail played out like it had done months and months before. Its so strange that I just knew, that I had dreamt it all along. I remember waking from my dreams a few times confused because it seemed so real. Jason would get home from school and I would tell him about them, how vivid they were, and he would just say that he would never leave me. lol
But anywho, I think the dreams prepped me for the real thing because the day it happened I was amazingly calm. I called a few girl friends, we laughed that I left Jason stranded on the side of the road. I packed the car and me and the kids headed for the yellow city.
I dont think I even cried on the trip here but its all foggy now anywho. I do remember all the fires though we when go into town.
I cried constantly once it sunk in and that went on for about a month…then Boone came along. I still grieved the loss of my husband, hell I still do, but it certainly helped having someone along for the ride.
Through all these ups and downs I can say without a doubt that I am happier now more then ever. I love my life, I love my friends and family, I love being forced into new roles. I love the challenge of playing the mom and dad, I love the rush and excitiment knowing that I can do this, that I am doing this.
I love how I went from strictly t shirts and jeans to a much more sleek look, not high fashion by any stretch of the imagination but I only have one pair of hole filled jeans now. And the sad thing is my flip flop wearing feet have now been transformed to heels pretty much on a daily basis, its so bad that not wearing heels throws me off.
I.am.awesome. And I have no qualms saying it.
My kids are just as awesome. Hope does really well being shuffled about but then again its all she has ever know.
But Ian does beautifully now (for the most part) compared to when we first got here. I can now leave his side and he is okay. He helps me a lot around the house and loves his baby sister. Tonight we made heart crayons for his class at daycare, tomorrow we are making the valentines, Wednesday we are making chocolate suckers and Thursday we are making cookies. It gonna be awesome.
I booked our hotel in Dallas, its the intercontenental, should be fun.
I am in need of a vacation.
And with that I am off to bed. Woot
|Cheyenne aka Mommy