December 29th, 2012
Year number 5 has come and gone, that flew by faster then I thought it would.
Lets see, I can back track and play the “woe is me, my husband cheated on me and left me when I was pregnant” card OR move on cause bringing it up constantly gets really really old. Lol.
No but really, lets see what all has happened this year…
Jason, my good friend/ex husband, got remarried this past January. It took some serious getting used to. We were very close and when they started dating the distance between us grew so much that I thought I would never have that “friendship” back again. The good news though is that after I stepped back and stopped freaking out inside Jason and I still had an awesome friendship.
Go me…err…us? I supposed it takes a certain kind of person to just let go. A certain kind of person to move on and to stop dredging up the past. I am pretty certain that I could still be miserable but I am choosing not to be. But…
Do I still break down every time I relive those days?
Do I go into a blubbering tear filled mess when I even think about it?
Am I currently doing the above?
And its gone.
In the short amount of time that it took me to type that, I thought, I cried, I processed and I moved on! Maybe one day I will get to the point of dodging the crying, maybe.
Anywho, moving along…
Nothing too terribly out of the norm happened this year. Krystal and I broke up, but it’s still not anything that I care to talk about, certainly not on here at least.
I suppose that brings up the whole gay/straight thing. It is also not anything that I care to bring up. I am glad I am not getting bugged about it as bad as I had thought I would. Lets just say you never know who you are going to fall for until its already happened.
My motto (even though people were not aware of it, even my best friends) was alway one that didn’t look at gender.
To me, if I dated just men or just women then who’s to say I wasn’t automatically cutting out someone who was a “perfect” match. And I use the term “perfect” loosely.
For me, every relationship I have been in has been one that I have learned and grown from. I will always believe everything happens for a reason and within that I believe that people walk in and out of your life just to teach you how to better yourself, be it directly or indirectly.
For this I am extremely thankful for my past relationships, no matter how rocky they were or how they ended. In the end I have always tried to take the high road and not the drown in the past. I can only speak of my experiences though and I would assume that a 20 year marriage would be a whole hell of a lot harder to move past then a 5 year marriage.
So lets see, Jason got married, I switched teams, and hrm…I had reconstructive surgery on my knee. Lol.
I suppose that could be a “high” point of the year. Me going 32 years and not hurting myself only to go dancing and end up with fun medical bills. Ha.
Damage was done on October the 27th. Bruised bones, torn meniscus, and a completely snapped ACL. Whoops. All for being my silly self. I have healed rather fast, but not so fast as to doing the naughty 5 days after surgery, (hahaha). I also wont be able to fit into any glass slippers for another year, the shoe doesn’t fit…I need to go buy new (flat) ones. Boo.
Oh sorry, I got off track. I will be released to full duty on January 21st, but still no heels and certainly no dancing for a while.
Ian was hospitalized once this year for pneumonia, that was no fun. It was been 1.5 years since the last hospital stay and we are hoping thats the last one, period.
Hope started Pre-K and is loving every minute of it. She has wanted to be in school since Ian started Kindergarten which made the transition to school pretty easy.
Work is still wonderful, I love the friendships that I have with my coworkers. I couldn’t imagine working anywhere other then where I work, which yes, happens to be a maximum security prison.
My relationship with Paul is wonderful, tho it is still in the “pinch me to wake me up cause everything can’t really be this wonderful in real life” part of the relationship. It sure would be awesome if it stayed this way though. It’s a first being with someone this “involved” you could say. I don’t feel like I have to hide parts of myself around him, I feel like I can be completely open and honest and get the same in return.
I am enjoying every minute of it, even the really hard ‘person that doesn’t even know me but talks about me in ugly ways’ parts. I know who I am as a person, which isn’t anything like is assumed of me.
Eh, what can I do besides laugh it off…right?
This house is usually quiet, bed time for me is usually 9, and my social life isn’t anything out of the norm for an adult single mother of two. I really have calmed it down in the last few years.
I supposed I needed to get the sadness/rage/hurt/depression/hopelessness/helpless feeling out of my system after Jason left and I do admit to having my fair share of fun times (although I was still responsible, thank you very much).
This past year has been mainly me and the kids. I have grown to love spending time with them. Not that I haven’t always loved spending time with them but things are different when you can converse with them at a higher level, play games with them and all that other stuff that comes with having kids in the house.
I never wanted to be a single mother but it is the hand that was dealt to me and I wouldn’t take it back for the world. There is a certain kind of pride knowing that I am doing it pretty much on my own. I am not living off the anyone, not the government nor my exhusband. I have the kids most of the time and I am a-ok with it. I miss them terribly when they aren’t here, even if it is just for one night.
I am so glad I have such awesome kids but I happen to know the awesomeness comes from both me and Jason and the relationship we have with one another. I speak of Morgan (his wife) in nothing but a positive light when the kids are around. The last thing I want is them feeling like they need to pick a side. They are little, I get that, but even when they are in their teens I still wont bring up what happened between Jason and I. What is in the past is in the past, Jason and I both had fault but we have grown from it and have moved on. The only thing my kids need to know is that they are loved from all sides of their families and that will never change. It doesn’t matter that Jason is remarried, it doesn’t matter if I get remarried, the love will never change.
So I guess I have come full circle again on my subject and I will leave it at that. 2012 was awesome, 2013 will be as well. No clue what the next year has in store for me but thats the exciting part about life, you never know what the next day will hold.