; charset=UTF-8" /> Story About A Girl » 2011 » May

My vacation was nice


I intended to leave my life’s dramas behind when I hopped on that plane to Portland. I suppose you cant escape yourself, you’ll always be along for the ride.

But my intentions were to heal, to meet new people, to go new places and to leave the past in the past.

For the most part I did, their were those long car rides where things would come back, I would stare out the window at the most beautiful land I have ever seen and tear up. 5 months into the year and I must say I have never had so many ups and downs in such a short period.

Thus far my 2011 can best be described as bipolar. Extreme highs followed by extreme lows followed by highs again, middle ground just hasn’t happened for me in a good long while. I’m doing much better then before but its still a constant inner battle, its inner because I know everyone around me is just plain tired of hearing it.

So what do I do to cope? On a whim go visit a friend, travel 1,665 miles, visit 3 different states (add 2 to that if ya wanna count the layovers, ha), take lots of pictures, do lots of talking, see parts of the country I never dreamt I would see, get a new tattoo…I could go on and on.

It was most certainly healing but the moment the plane touched down in Amarillo it all came rushing back to me, I escaped but only for a few days. I’m at least dusted off and I am ready to start “over” again.

Just press forward.
Stop looking back, you’ll miss what’s right in front of you if you do.
Time heals.

Those are all things that I say to myself on a constant basis. It’s working, just not as fast as I would like it to. 😉




In all honesty, if the rapture came…


I would be happy with where I am at this point in my life.
If I died tomorrow I would be okay with my current and past “ships”.
I know I have done everything I possibly could have done to try to fix any major screw ups along the way.
I’m good with it.
I hold no grudges.
I forgive others that were involved.
And most of all I forgive myself.

If I had to sit and watch a replay of my life, all the ups and downs, I would be okay with what I saw.

I don’t know what lies ahead, thats the fun part I suppose. I don’t know what new person I will meet or what sudden realization I will have.

I once was very planned I’m now very random.
I have learned to just let go, tho its way harder for some things then others.

I hear time heals, I suppose thats true. Thats a hard statement for someone as hard headed as me to swallow.
But time is the only given, thats the only constant in life, as long as we are still living “time” is still going. Everything else is, no matter how much we think differently, is unpredictable.

I guess me and time need to become friends, especially since I have no idea when it’s going away (tho I am certain it wont be Saturday).

So here is to time, the rapture, that chick behind my couch, funnel cakes, whoopie cushions and most of all the future. 😀




That’s it, it hit me…finally.


Ive been going back and forth and back and forth wanting to type out everything for a while. I would type it all out and then go and delete it all. i dont know why I kept doing it.

Blogging, for me, is therapeutic. I used to be fantastic at typing it all out. I could rattle on and on and by the end I would have solved the problem with a few strokes at a keyboard. I dont know what I have been waiting around for. Even as I am tying this I am realizing I am rambling and should probably just stop but Im not going to this time.

Shit happens, I know this. And anyone that knows me knows that I get up and dust myself off and move the fuck on. Im always the one to say the cliché of “Everything happens for a reason”. And like every lesson in life before, the latest lesson has a reason attached to it.

I think I have finally come to the point in my life where I dont want a dysfunctional relationship. Every relationship in the past has been just that, dysfunctional. And the one thing connecting all of those relationships was, well, ME. I have always felt the need to rescue people, not intentionally but when it was all said and done and I could look back on it all I realize thats what I did every.single.time.

I dont want that anymore and because of that I am choosing to stay single. Im choosing to be that odd numbered wheel over being in a dysfunctional relationship. Im still not ready for one and its been 2 years since my last real relationship. I dont want the drama, and yes I know it seems to fall right in my lap (it is the J word after all).

I dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

Just like I did in January I need to refocus and be that positive Juli that people know and love. I need to move forward and stop looking back. I cant fix people and I cant change peoples feelings on whats happened.

I have got to just let go.

I might be a super forgiving person but I realize thats a quality that a lot of people dont have.

Im nice
Im passive
Im tender hearted
And I cant help it…

But thats what makes Juli Juli. I need to be ok with this again. I *will* be ok with this again.

My apologies to those that have dealt with a very morose Juli in the past few months.
Many thanks for solidifying the wonderful friendships I have.

I am very grateful
Very blessed
And very much not alone.

The past once again has molded me into a new ever changing person.

Here is to tomorrow which will be just another yesterday.




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