That’s it, it hit me…finally.


Ive been going back and forth and back and forth wanting to type out everything for a while. I would type it all out and then go and delete it all. i dont know why I kept doing it.

Blogging, for me, is therapeutic. I used to be fantastic at typing it all out. I could rattle on and on and by the end I would have solved the problem with a few strokes at a keyboard. I dont know what I have been waiting around for. Even as I am tying this I am realizing I am rambling and should probably just stop but Im not going to this time.

Shit happens, I know this. And anyone that knows me knows that I get up and dust myself off and move the fuck on. Im always the one to say the cliché of “Everything happens for a reason”. And like every lesson in life before, the latest lesson has a reason attached to it.

I think I have finally come to the point in my life where I dont want a dysfunctional relationship. Every relationship in the past has been just that, dysfunctional. And the one thing connecting all of those relationships was, well, ME. I have always felt the need to rescue people, not intentionally but when it was all said and done and I could look back on it all I realize thats what I did every.single.time.

I dont want that anymore and because of that I am choosing to stay single. Im choosing to be that odd numbered wheel over being in a dysfunctional relationship. Im still not ready for one and its been 2 years since my last real relationship. I dont want the drama, and yes I know it seems to fall right in my lap (it is the J word after all).

I dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

Just like I did in January I need to refocus and be that positive Juli that people know and love. I need to move forward and stop looking back. I cant fix people and I cant change peoples feelings on whats happened.

I have got to just let go.

I might be a super forgiving person but I realize thats a quality that a lot of people dont have.

Im nice
Im passive
Im tender hearted
And I cant help it…

But thats what makes Juli Juli. I need to be ok with this again. I *will* be ok with this again.

My apologies to those that have dealt with a very morose Juli in the past few months.
Many thanks for solidifying the wonderful friendships I have.

I am very grateful
Very blessed
And very much not alone.

The past once again has molded me into a new ever changing person.

Here is to tomorrow which will be just another yesterday.



3 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Leigh

    I loves you. I so wish we lived closer – if ever you want to see any part of the Pacific Northwest you have a place to stay, eat, play and a buddy to explore it all with. <3

    May 8th, 2011

  2. Girl

    You know I would love to! Maybe someday…
    Loves ya back. 🙂

    May 8th, 2011

  3. LaJuana Sue Gear-Dooley

    I am glad you can see clearly now…
    It just takes time and strength to , well, be true and loving to yourself.
    We can’t, CAN”T change andyone else OR even the world, we can only change ourselves, and in doing that, eventualy the collective will understand what it is all about!
    It just takes time and forthought…for thought as in future thought, never go back, never fall back, move forward in everything you do!,
    I wish I was younger and could apply this theory in a better way to make a difference to the world, but my brain is messed up these days, but the intent is there.
    Happy mothers day!

    May 8th, 2011

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