Private or public…which one will it be?


Current mood:  loved

I cannot believe how fast time goes now. When I was with Jason I would watch the clock and when he didnt get home by 4:30 (which towards the end that never happened) I would start to get very anxious. Now 4:30 flies by and I dont even notice, heck sometimes time flies so fast that I forget about dinner until the very last minute. But not only do the hours go by fast the days, heck weeks fly on by. Unfortunately waiting for this divorce feels like an eternity though.

Ians still doing really well with his behavior. Jason is keeping him from the 9-19 (with the exception of mothers day) and we have been prepping for that. I have never been away from him for that long of a time but I know he will be in good hands, I am still going to miss him big time though. In that time I am rearranging again, moving all the toys to the big bedroom along with the crib and Ians bed and putting my bed in the tiny front bedroom. Both kids are sleeping fantastically now and mom would like a room of her own now, somewhere that isnt cluttered with toys. Its something I need, I will miss having them right next to me at night but with it just being me now I need to be able to have some alone time and thats just not happening now. So yeah, thats the plan and hopefully it goes over well.

Hopes also doing fantastically, she is sleeping from 10 to 8 most nights. I moved her to her crib a couple of weeks ago because she was going for 2 hours at most at night without nursing and it was wearing me out big time. Oddly, I moved her to her crib and she has slept great since then. She is also rolling all around, soo cute.

So Saturday night was a little weird. Went to R&R with Ang and Sarah, Newman came after a bit and then Donald and Eric T showed up. Ang went to go shoot some pool with Donald so it was just me, Sarah, Newman and Eric at the table and it was just…odd. If you dont know why then dont even bother asking but if you do know why it would be odd then you should probably be proud of me for keeping my big mouth shut. God it was tempting though.

On to last night. I hate it when I cry that happy/sad cry but it does happen. Last night we went out to Boones; Nick and Debra showed up and played some pool. Ian contently watched us all (or went off to watch tv) and Hope played on the floor for a bit. But she needed to get some sleep, the day was full of back and forths and her naps were lacking. She was tired, oh so tired so I got her in jammies (its easier then messing with it when we get home late) and went and put her down, nursed her and she was out. Then I roll away and she wakes right back up, we did this a couple of times before I just walked out of the room. She was tired, over tired and I was quickly loosing my patience. So I go back into the living room and just sit there with Ian (Boone was outside telling Nick and Debra bye) just being blah and well pissy. Boone comes in, we have a quick conversation about her not going to sleep and I mention that she probably needs something to listen too (she sleeps with white noise, it helps muffle the loudness at home). He goes and grabs the radio and plugs it in and turns it to a radio station not just fuzz. She of course stops crying so I just kind of sat there for a few minutes, maybe 10, before I go in. So I walk in and he is dancing around the room with her, keeping her calm and happy. You see, Jason wouldnt have done it. He might have grabbed the radio and went and plugged it in but he would have been pissy about it, he most certainly wouldnt have picked her up and danced around with her. So it made me cry and its making me cry just thinking about it. It was such a sweet moment, one of the moments that will never happen with Jason.

So should I put this as public or private? Will it be used against me that I have a friend (that just so happens to be male) spend time with my kids. Will it be used against me that my kids enjoy spending time with him and that I enjoy spending time with him? I suppose I will find out in a couple of months when this divorce is finally over but for now I am not going to stop being happy and having happy kids and if Boones helps make us that way then he is staying in the picture. Ang makes us happy too but I bet she wont even come up.

sarah
i think it’s awesome that you have friends close to you that help with the kids and that you have fun with. it is “you and the kids” now so you should be the one making the final decisions. if my baby girl couldn’t sleep and there was someone who could help and was willing to i wouldn’t stop them. i didn’t know jason was going to be in town that long…
Posted by sarah on May 6, 2008 – Tuesday – 7:57 AM
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Kara
private 🙂
-Now isn’t the time to stir up a hornet’s nest! Your life is your life, but I wouldn’t share anything publicly that could come back to bite you in the ass later. JMO 🙂 Is there any thing good that could come from sharing it publicly?
Posted by Kara on May 6, 2008 – Tuesday – 1:34 PM
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