I cant believe how unhappy I was

Current mood:  loved

And that people around me knew and didnt say anything.  I suppose I can see why you wouldnt want to stick your nose into someones business but I really thought that people thought that I was happy. I cant believe I thought I was happy, ack.

So what has prompted this? Well besides conversations with close friends I just watched an old video tape from when Jason and I lived in Utah/were dating. From a time when I thought I was in head over heels in love. Watching the tape it was obvious that I just got on Jasons nerves and that he really had no desire to talk to me.

I cannot believe this is the person that I married, I cant believe I chose this person to make a life with. Seeing that tape from 5 years ago was a wake up call, a major one. Wow.

So those of you reading, those that know Juli, the real Juli the one you have always known that is trying her hardest to get herself back would you PLEASE tell me next time I am in a relationship your reservations (if you have any). Knowing me I will blow them off at first but eventually I will stop and think about them.

Always Màthair

Don’t know if you have been keeping up with Oprahs study on one of Eckhart Tolle’s books, but in one of the lessons he talked about what love really was. He said, if when you think you are in love you are looking at what you see on the outside of a person, or BLIND to what you see out of your own ego’s nessecity, it isn’t really love. Love is what you see on the inside, past the ego, past self. If you don’t look from the inside to what will last, you can about gaurentte that the outside will disolve away.
Sometimes, to find ourselves we have to loose what we thought we needed to see a different depth in us, to see that we can only change ourselves, be ourselves once we get past the role playing.
I wish you great adventures in finding what life has in store for you now!
Posted by Always Màthair on April 24, 2008 – Thursday – 2:43 PM
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