Ian turned 4 today

So Ian turned 4 today, its hard to believe what all has happened in that time. He was a surprise and up until that point I had just assumed that I would never have kids. I remember the day I told Jason, he walked in the door from work and I was bawling. He just knew I was pregnant, it was the strangest thing.

Anywho, the pregnancy was tough. I had morning sickness from hell and the week before I had him I swelled up like crazy. I went in for a doctors appointment and was told to go to the hospital and 2 days later Ian was born at 28 weeks gestation.

The hospital stay was aweful, I have never felt so alone before in my life. It took almost 4 years and Jason telling me what exactly was going through his head back then for me to get why I hated those 5 days so much.

Ian was 2 days old before I went to see him. I had a picture on the wall next to my hospital bed of him but I just couldnt bring myself to go see him. When I finally went it took everything I had to hold back the tears. There was my baby, my tiny baby with wires and tubes under a plastic box.

One of the things I fondly remember during his nicu stay was him always holding my finger. At night, when I get the kids down to bed thats what Ian does, he holds my finger. Some nights I just lay there wide awake and cry while he tightly grips my finger.

He has come so far in 4 years, we both have.

Happy birthday baby boy, I love you.

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