Ian was good today, yesterday he had a total meltdown. One of those “why did I ever want to have kids and why do I want more” kind of days. He was tired, over tired and he didnt want to go to sleep. Around 2:45 he started to scream, scream at everything and everyone. So I let him figure it out, I tried to cuddle but he wanted none of that. Finally, about an hour into it I made him stay in my lap. Talking to him, playing with his hair, telling him it will be okay all while he was squirming to get loose and screaming at the top of his lungs. 40 minutes of him screaming, becoming horse and all he fell asleep. Ugh! He woke up about 20 minutes later,  face all waffeled from my shirt and happy as can be. He was fine, it was if nothing ever happend. Meh, we all have our bad days, right?

Well today he was fine, touchy with Jason in the morning but good with me. He was a peeing machine though. I put him in one diaper that I hate with a passion, he came and sat on my lap and we talked then he got down, walked to his room and stopped. He peed. You want to know how I know this? Oh, because he had two streams going down each leg. POS Diaper. So I go and get a better one, clean up the pee and change his socks, take the diaper and throw it away. It is the only diaper that we have ever used that leaked but it had never just not worked, up until today that is. I dont know why I even kept it so long.

Anywho, then Ian had lunch. He decided to throw his sippy (the whole 8 oz) because, well gravity is new to him. I was doing the dishes so I just left him until I was done. Bad idea. He threw it so hard that the top came off.  Bumb butt me took him out of his highchair and then noticed that not only was it on the carpet but also all over the floor. I couldnt get up and get something to clean it with because Ian would have played in it so I grab the first thing I see. A box from pampers that has a free diaper in it (yep, Jasons having a baby and pampers is sending us crap, I have NO idea how they got his name).

Well what do you know, paper diapers make great mops!




Packing peanuts are just too much fun


I got my tablet today (woo hoo, more drawing fun). It had packing peanuts and I figured who more would love to play with packing peanuts, Ian right? Well of course, he picked up the box to dump them all out. Then he put them back in, them dumped them back out…you get the picture.




Meh


Okay, so, now what?

I finally broke down and told Jason last night that I wanted my name taken off the Church records. I really thought he wouldnt be surprised, after all I havent went to church in 2 1/2 years but he was. He asked me what we will do about Ian, if he will be allowed to go to church with him and if when he turns 8 can he get baptized and then at 19 can he serve a mission. Well, yes, Ian can go to church but if he doesnt want to go then he wont have to go. If at 8 he decides he wants to be a member of the church then thats his decision, if he really feels it for him then I dont want to stand in his way. And at 19, well if he wants to serve a mission then so be it. At 19 I was doing my own thing and I figure Ian will too.

I honestly dont know what is going to happen. He said last night that all he ever wanted was to be married in the Temple. To me that seems so backwards, what about love, what about growing old together, what about finding someone with which you can tell your deepest darkest secrets. To ME thats whats important, thats what makes ME happy. Its not where we are married. I wish someone would have stopped me, not from falling in love but from joining the church. Its as if everyone around me knew it was a dumb move but no one ever told me. People that got news of me joining the church were floored, some peoples reactions were just hillarious but no one told me to back track, to stop, to think. Why? Am I that hard to talk too?

He had the nerve to tell me that if we split that he would never see me again. You know what, Fine! If you want to be a baby then so be it but hello you do have a child and if he can so easily be erased from your memory then I suppose its best to just go and never look back.

Its so odd. I dont know what will happen. I dont want this to just be band-aided over because we all know that doesnt work. I am not “okay”, I am not “happy”. I am sad and confused and mad.

All this because I dont want to be Mormon. Crazy, huh?

Happy freaking Valentines day.




Wouldnt it be nice!


George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy.” The Vice President shrugs and says, “Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.” Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, “Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.” The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, “Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people really happy.”



Just leave me alone….


Alright, alright. At a weak time in my life I thought mormonism was for me. It took a year for me to figure out that no, actually it wasnt but unforuntaly in that time I had gotten baptized and married. It took me another year to break down and tell Jason (he was born into the religion) that I wanted nothing to do with it. Soooo many things rub me the wrong way and I know that I could never be a happy little Molly Mormon, its not me and it never really was. Okay, fine…so I want nothing to do with the church. Well that means I need to take my name off the records. Meh, you would think that people would get the drift that I dont want to be contacted but again, no. I am afriad to tell Jason that I want my name taken off the records, I am sure somewhere in his heart that he thinks I will one day go back to church but I know I wont.

I am seriously torn about the situation…..




interesting


I never went and “looked” for stuff on Mormonism. I just had a gut feeling that something wasnt right but I couldnt pin point the exact reasons. I did have a problem with polygamy, with the way women are portrayed in the Church, all the rules that just seems so odd, the way homosexuality is looked upon, the way other religions are portrayed (Mormonism is the only true religion, every one else is wrong), gosh I could go on but I have such a headache so I will stop there.

Anywho, so for the first time I looked. I looked at the sites I was warned about, I looked at the info about what goes on in the Church, I looked and I feel no guilt, I feel anger. How much of this stuff does Jason know, and if he does know how in the world can he be okay with it?

In May 1843, Joseph Smith took his twenty-sixth bride, a fourteen-year-old girl named Helen Mar Kimball. At the time, Smith was thirty-seven and had been married for sixteen years to Emma (since January 1827). Unbeknownst to Emma, Smith had been busily wedding and bedding twenty-four other women, illegally, since 1833. Apparently, Heber and Vilate Kimball, Helen’s parents, were fully aware that Emma had no idea that he had begun this practice of polygamy.

For those that are clueless, Joseph Smith is the one who “restored” the church.


“I think no more of taking another wife than I do of buying a cow.”- Apostle Heber C. Kimball, The Twenty Seventh Wife, Irving Wallace, p. 101.”

Brethren, I want you to understand that it is not to be as it has been heretofore. The brother missionaries have been in the habit of picking out the prettiest women for themselves before they get here, and bringing on the ugly ones for us; hereafter you have to bring them all here before taking any of them, and let us all have a fair shake.”- Apostle Heber C. Kimball, The Lion of the Lord, ffice New York, 1969, pp.129-30

“Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p. 266).

“The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 11, page 269).


I have discussed the polygamy thing with Jason before, its one of the very first things that put me off about the Church. His explaination was that God instituted polygamy for certain chosen people to populate the earth. Only few men did it and they only did it because they were told to do so by God. Jason said that if he was told to begin practicing polygamy he would do so because it was a commandment from God. Seriously, I have issues with that and I think deep down Jason does too but 25 years of a religion being forced down your throat will do that to you.
Some day I will bring these things up to Jason but right now I cant. I have only just begun the process of leaving the church and even though I know that this is the correct choice for me I dont have the strength right now to defend myself properly.




Do you PostSecret?


I love the site Post Secret.
Every week I check the site for new postcards and it never fails that at least one postcard hits home. Its amazing how one 4×6 card can evoke so many emotions, sometimes they dont even have words. If your ever in need of a reality check look at the site and you will realize that your not ever alone even in the loneliest times.


(c) Post Secret




Nose picking and playing in poo….


Ahh, the wonders of a toddler!

Ian loves noses (and bellies and boobs) and is facinated that they have holes. So much so that if you arent paying attention while he is on your lap you will quickly have a finger right up it courtesy of Ian. Nice huh.

On to poo. Last week I got Ian some new diaper covers (for those that dont know we cloth diaper). I havent bought diaper covers since he came home (yep, he has worn the same diapers for over a year and a half) so I wanted to move up a size and get some with velcro (instead of snaps) for even faster changes. Well….big mistake. Twice now Ian has taken his diaper off when he wakes up from a nap. First we just had him in a shirt and a diaper and of course he took it off. No biggie, I figured next time I would put him in a onesie. So thats what I did today and it didnt work. He unhooked the onesie at the crotch and took his diaper off and well…..he pooed and he was proud.
Ahh, kids.




Chicken pox…..the second time around?


So last week I started getting these gross spots on my upper body. They itched like nothing before. Then one appeared on my cheek and then my arm but no more appeared. I really thought they looked like Chicken pox but I had them when I was younger so I thought I couldnt get them again. I figured I came into something I was allergic too but to my knowledge I am not allergic to anything. So then I thought it might be eczema (even though I have never had that either) so I looked up pictures on the net These spots look absolutly nothing like eczema, they look exactly like the picture below, which is  cp.

Turns out that second occurences of cp do happen (and I am NOT talking about shingles) and they are usually mild. Huh, new to me! I figure I caught it while in Amarillo and I am assuming that one of the kids at the reception (that didnt even have cake!) just got a vax and since its a live virus and sheds that I picked it up there. I called mom to tell her about it and she said when I had cp the first time around it was very mild (I had about 7 pustules, same as now). Sooo….yeah. Hopefully Ian gets cp too!




ASSume


Why do people type out the word assume like ASSume when they get into to heated discussion on the internet? Well I know “why” but really now, put on you big kid britches and grow up.




The end of the internet?


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